Sunday, April 23, 2017

Vegetarianism: My Existential Crisis

"Eating meat is a learned behavior and habit, do not confuse that with nature. It is not nature to keep animals in cages, breed them and mutilate their bodies and drug them up so much that they are fully grown when they are still babies.  It is not nature to drink the breast milk of another species, in adulthood. It is not nature to use animals as machines and void them of any resemblance of life."

I've experimented with being, mostly, meat-free for a little over a year now (give or take a bite of steak and chicken wing here or there) and let me tell you something you probably already know: it ain't easy! I began to seriously consider giving up meat in the Winter of 2015 and officially had my last meat-main-course (a deliciously seasoned and juicy steak cooked to perfection) on New Years Eve of 2015. As much as I enjoyed that "last meal" I was excited and inspired about my meat-free journey ahead. I find pride in my empath and idealist character traits. Choosing to not eat meat, among many other "radical" and "nontraditional" things today, is not just a choice. It's a lifestyle decision and a part of your identity. At least, that's how it has been for me. I want to be a part of something bigger, something better, and something that I truly believe in. Deciding against meat-eating, for moral or environmental reasons, opens your awareness to parts of the world that the majority remains numb to. I wanted to shake myself and enhance my worldview. I wanted to know that every single day when I made the choice of what I was putting into my body, that no other sentient being was harmed in the process.

Now, before your brain immediately starts to defend itself with any sort of reasonable idea like, "but protein?!" or "if the cavemen didn't hunt animals to survive we wouldn't have been able to evolve to where we are now," etc. etc. etc. I GET IT. Believe me, I do. Consuming meat products is likely the simplest and most efficient way to sustain the necessary nutrients needed by the human race. I'm not saying that there are not benefits to eating it. That's besides the point. Additionally, our ancestors HUNTED animals for SURVIVAL they did not consciously and inhumanely manufacture living beings for slaughter and profit. There is a huge difference and isn't a crazy notion to think about the possibility that there are other options available now. That we made it this far in our evolution that maybe, just maybe, we no longer need to consume meat or any other animal products for that matter. That we have the necessary land, water, resources and supplies to farm real, sustainable food, without suffering. If you think that this is an impossible notion, then please do yourself a favor and do your own research on the topic. Allow your mind to think in new and innovative ways instead of settling for the fact that "it's just what we have always done."

Vegetarianism and Veganism are closely related and are usually adapted by individuals for more than just moral/ethical reasons. There are huge environmental impacts on the production of animals for food products. Additionally, giving up consuming meat, but continuing to consume dairy and other animal-based products, are conflicting ideals. I dabbled with Veganism for a couple of months, but essentially could not give up my addiction to cheese. All production of animal-based products are one in the same and ultimately every single animal born/raised for profit will end up dead. The resources that are used to manufacture our animal products: land, water, grain, etc. are not everlasting and we are killing more than just animals now. We are killing forests and the oceans. We are killing other people, as well.

 "760 million tons of grain used to feed animals to produce meat could feed 11 billion people..."

I know what you're all thinking at this point, if you have made it this far in my anti-meat rant: "shut the fuck up already" or "vegetarians are such 'preachers'" etc. etc. My favorite rebuttal to these types of comments is that it's not me making you feel guilty, it's your conscience.
HOWEVER, the actual point of this rant is the exact fucking opposite. As of late, I have been struggling immensely with maintaining my meat-free lifestyle. I haven't quite figured out why yet. I'm not sure if my body is actually lacking protein and simply craving what it's been used to for the last 25 years: meat! It's a long, difficult process to re-train your brain to crave animal-free products when it's lacking specific nutrients. It's also difficult to basically detox your body from the conditioned and habitual practice of putting fucking cheese on every single thing we eat because it tastes so god damn good. I'm starting to believe that cheese releases the same chemicals as drugs and love do in our brains. It's disgusting and amazing how our self-control goes out the window when something satisfying hits our taste buds. How our self-conscience goes silent when we inhale the sweet scent of a BBQ. It's not like there aren't other options. The grocery stores nowadays have plenty of meat-free options and substitutes for our favorites: ground beef, hot dogs, sausages, etc. Some of the meatless options honestly taste better than the familiar animal corpses I'm used to. In my opinion.

It all comes down to a choice, doesn't it. Our one, true freedom left in this world. Our free will to decide what we do with every second of our lives. Lately, when I have thought about this in terms of choosing whether or not to eat meat, I have thought "well, there are way bigger issues going on in the world then deciding what to eat" and "some people don't have the luxury to economically make this decision" and I've simply been questioning myself. If my mind and body really just WANT a little bit of meat or cheese, then why would I deprive myself of that? If I genuinely feel healthier and more energized when I don't deprive myself of these wants, then why won't I allow myself to indulge every once in awhile? Is there more of a balance between consuming meat and non-meat products that I can adapt? Similarly, yet oppositely, if I know what the RIGHT thing to do is (not eat animal products) then why do I even question it? Do I really lack self-control that much? Am I really that weak?

I'm at a fucking crossroads and feel very strongly about what to do next. Although, I have no real idea what that is. I have eaten more meat in the last week or two then I have in the last year altogether. Afterwards, I feel a mixture of guilt and cravings for more of it. It's very unsettling to realize your own weaknesses as a human, but it's empowering to embrace them and question/reflect on them.

It all comes down to choices. Once they are made, that's it. You live linearly and bask in your consequences. When it comes to suffering, who chooses where it will exist? The hard truth is that we do.


Saturday, April 1, 2017

a fools' thoughts on being human

Humanness is messy, confusing, beautifully insane. Each one of us believing in our own way what exactly is the meaning of this experience. What is my purpose? Why am I here? Is there any meaning? I feel like everyone is constantly trying so hard to be "happy." What is happiness?
So often we hear that it's not the destination, but it's the journey. It's not something you can find, but something that you create within yourself. While I don't disagree with these ideologies I realize that it's not that simple. Happiness is subjective. It is exactly what you decide it to be. It's a choice. Like many other things in life; how we love, our commitments, and our actions.  Freedom of choice is one of our most innate human aspects. It's what separates us from animals. The capability of self-awareness and the way in which our brains work under certain circumstances to choose between multiple options at any given time.

Again, this does not mean it's easy. Intuitions and emotions, I don't believe, are things we have "control" over. We don't get to choose how our heart and gut react to a given stimuli. However, we can practice our consciousness of the path between our heart and our brain. What you do with that feeling/emotion/reaction is your decision. This is why it's so important to slow down. Breathe. Take the time you need to practice this ability, re-condition yourself and process the things that you go through on a daily basis. Question yourself. When you feel something ask yourself WHY. We are all the products of our past experiences and the hopes and dreams of our futures. I believe that the only way to discontinue repeating your past is to become so aware of it that you begin to understand why you react in certain ways. Why do you choose one path over the other? What other factors impact your decisions?  What's important to you and why?

For me, happiness comes in sparks. It is not a constant that I bathe in. I prefer the ups and downs. I need to soak in the sadness sometimes to better understand myself and to better appreciate the lighter moments. What's important to me is loving myself so that I may share that love with others. Self-discovery so that I may also discover others and be by their side as they discover themselves. My purpose at this point in life is to be open to any opportunity to help another person to the best of my ability. Each of us needs different things, sometimes they are similar, but understanding your needs to feel fulfilled will impact how you are able to provide for others.  I struggle to identify my specific needs because my views are quite fluid. I refuse to be kept in a box of labels or conditions. My identity and role in life are up to me. And yours are up to you. Do not let the word "should" run your life. Learn from your past. Learn from your own decisions and consistently ask yourself WHY.

Nobody is perfect. I prefer to bask in my imperfections. Everyone has their own story and a little compassion goes a long way. Give compassion to yourself as much as you give it to others. One of my biggest struggles is treating myself the same way I treat (or try my best to treat) others. When a loved one is down on themselves and you comfort them. We have to remember to comfort ourselves in that same way. When ever I have a negative thought arise about myself I try to counter it with a positive thought, "you're doing just fine" "you've got this" "it's okay, you're okay." This also goes for negative thoughts about others; judgments. The only way to combat them is to notice them and make yourself think differently. "Ugh, that person is so annoying." "Wow, that was a rude thought, why did I think that? They must be exerting something that I don't see in myself, but wish I did or that I also find annoying when I do it. Next time, instead of writing them off, try to engage positively and see how it feels." It seems silly, but it can make a world of a difference. It's also not fool proof and of course we all have our irritations and not every single person is going to get along or like each other. Again, nobody is perfect and it's okay to have downfalls and not like everyone or be positive all of the time. But, you have the CHOICE of whether or not to put that shit out into the world and create negative energy or not. Choose wisely.

We really are nothing but little specks in the grand scheme of the universe and it's hard for some of us not to get lost in that truth. But we have the opportunity for one of the most enlightening experiences, the human one, to learn and to share with one another. We may be individually insignificant to the world, but to each other, together, we can create a significant reality.

I'm not here for just happiness; I'm here for a full life of living.